72 Slices of Our Life
by Alex Damien
Summary: 72 Texts and phone calls that show the relationship between Camus and Milo


72 Slices of Our Life

Becoming an acupuncturist might seem like a very natural career development given your skills, but... No. Please reconsider, as the point of them is to make people NOT dead.

It's not that I don't like dogs. It's that we don't have enough space for them all, even in both our houses.

You should have first told me you had a new motorcycle, instead of lifting my hopes when offering me a ride.

No more karaoke parties. You always end up hoarding the mic and singing Boogie Wonderland at least five times.

I just don't understand why you believed Aphrodite when he said remodeling my house would be a good idea that I would appreciate. It was not, and I did not.

I did not "kidnap you like a dog". You demanded to see the puppies at 2 am instead of going home after the bar and cried until I broke into the pet store to let you play with them.

It was unrealistic from the beginning to try to keep panda bear, please don't cry.

We really have to give back all those sexy nurse costumes to Aphrodite, but I don't want to explain why our idea didn't work.

Aldebaran decided to keep the cows. Guess the joke's on you because you have to pay for them now.

Actually there are a lot of things I would have appreciated for our anniversary celebration. An arm wrestling competition at a truck stop near Athens was not one of them though.

In my defense I didn't know you were allergic, and I brought you flowers to the emergency room.

"He fell into a box of needles" isn't going to cut it as an excuse this time

I don't care how much glitter there is. Wash off Mu and bring him back before Shaka realizes he's gone!

For the last time, techno music isn't going to solve this!

I have no memory of making them, but the ice statues are very pretty. Drunk me has excellent taste.

But I did understand why you needed the bike. My question was why were the fishes all over the living room?

You need to let all those flamingos go. They deserve to be free.

I don't think it matters how I got stuck in this washing machine, I still need the pliers.

I said I was sorry about the racoon. Please stop crying, I'll get you a new one.

And the chickens were already in the elevator when it stopped?

No, they didn't have the right to beat you up, but I think Shion is going to let them because of your use of the term "rocket boobs"

You should let Aphrodite talk to the nuns first. Or maybe he could distract them while you get the flamingos out.

I know his hand is sharp, but how did Shura's entire arm get stuck in the wall?

I will admit that red is a nice color on you, but if you come back with my same hair color, I'm freezing it all off your head.

I am ready to offer quite a bit of bedroom time if you swear not to ask where the hamsters came from.

There is no such thing as "sort of married", but if you stop crying we could talk about the possibilities of joint custody of Hyoga.

I am way more scandalized by the fact that the panties are yours and not Aphrodite's

You wouldn't get down from the table until I pretended that you were lady gaga and asked for your autograph

Scarlet needle on every nail was one thing, but I won't support "scarlet teeth"

You don't get to bet me in a poker game just because we're "kind of" married. At least wait until we're full on married!

So it was full of bees, yes, that raises more questions than it answers, but now I have a better mental image of the whole thing.

If half of Shaka's mind wasn't in nirvana he would have kicked you in the balls for what you did to his hair. Hell, I love you more than anything and I would still let him.

I did wonder where all those high heels came from. I was about to call Aphrodite.

There's no need to call Aldeberan, I can get you down from there. Yes, in one piece, sure…

So help me if you start blasting "Ice Ice Baby" when I get home, I'm marrying you just to divorce you.

If you hurt Mu's feelings, Shaka will hurt your limbs, so just eat the porridge and smile. I'm already calling the ambulance.

When you asked what I thought about getting a cat, I answered the hypothetical of One. Single. Cat. You'll have to give back at least half of them.

Aldebaran did ask about his grill, but I didn't have the heart to explain it all to him.

How many of you are naked, and have you already located Death Mask's leg? Are you sure it is still attached to him?

Just keep rinsing your mouth until I get there, I already found the disinfectant.

Sending me pictures of you in that lingerie won't make me forgive you, but do keep going.

In retrospect, Shion was bound to get pissed about you sealing the fridge with Atena talismans.

Your dick is stuck _where?_ Wha- Of course I'm mad! I need that!

How many of you are on fire? Just Shura?

You had better gotten all the rats out of the Aquarius house by the time I get back…Fine, _lemurs,_ whatever _._

Yes, you could probably survive Aioria, but if you don't bring back Aioros in one piece, Saga will end you.

You wouldn't leave, you just wailed every time I tried to get you out of the movie theater, but I lost my patience by the third time we watched Eat Pray Love.

I don't believe it not because I don't love you. But because Aioros is almost a literal angel, while you...Let's just say I love you. But no, I don't believe you.

Eating it was useful, I'll give you that, but perhaps shouldn't have been your first option. Yes, I'm already calling the ambulance.

No, I did not put any koalas in that box. Leave it alone, I'm serious. Why would I put koalas in there? That's ridiculous. No one puts koalas in a box under their bed. DO NOT OPEN THE BOX.

I don't know why it surprises you that I always bring a fire extinguisher with me. I've done so since we started dating.

So he fell on your nail. He fell on your nail ten times.

It was like if a knife fought a hammer and a gun and a sword and a spoon. And everything was on fire. And the knife won. Don't tell Hyoga.

Though it would be amusing, and I'm sure Shion will let you go, I still can't in good faith let you represent yourself in court. The very possibility of having to resort to conjugal visits in prison is too much.

It wasn't my fault that Shura took the axe. I didn't know he could open his mouth like that!

Which of your hands is stuck on the dryer? Both of them? Wasn't one stuck in a bottle? Ah, the foot, I see.

I updated the list of bars we are banned from. Please consult it before planning any more surprise parties.

Your feelings were very pure. And while I agree that all those animals deserved to be free, they should not have been free all at the same time, in the same place.

I know I'm always going on about not taking off your clothes in public, but I need you to not ask any questions and take off your shirt now. Right now. Take it off now.

Things are illegal even if they don't catch you!

No, I did not know Aphrodite could breathe underwater, but I'm very grateful for that now. I'm bringing you a dry set of clothes.

But how? A chicken? A WHOLE chicken?... How?

Not only do I demand an explanation for why is the sofa there. But most importantly: how did you get it there?

I don't care how much jagger is in his blood! Get Deathmask out from under the bed!

And what am I supposed to do with 753 porcelain baby turtles?

Well you brought it last night, drunk off your ass. It's a cedar and with no Christmas tree potential but I figured, free tree. Look, you want to help me decorate it or not?

I filled his living room with sand because Shura is a bitch, let's leave it at that.

If I get another box full of scorpions for Christmas, I'm mailing them to Aphrodite in your name, and then we'll see how cute they really are.

I'm not sure what we're going to do with 15 mini horses, but yes I'm very proud you finally won something at poker.

The many health uses of mustard isn't really the point here. If you and Mu aren't back in an hour I'm telling Shaka.

I think you should put out the fire before calling the ambulance. Which one? How many fires are there?

Hurry back home. I miss you. [unsent draft]

A/N: I hope you've liked this and that it got a smile out of you, at the very least. Here are some final comments:

It's not that I think that Milo is a crybaby and cries all the time over everything. It's actually that I have a headcanon that Milo already knows that whenever he cries, Camus gives him anything he wants. Camus already knows that's he's doing that, but he still can't bear to see him cry, even if he knows his tears are faker than a 3 dollar bill.

Among all the nonsense and dumbassery, I also wanted to show a bit of the way I see their relationship. As a very natural and absolute love. So natural that the fact that they love each other completely is something that they only mention in passing here and there, and so absolute that it guides all their actions, even though Camus still can't accept it openly in a natural way, as I tried to show in the last text message, and the magnitude of his love only slips out when he doesn't notice, such as in #32.

Well, I think that would be it. Thank so much for reading, and please if you could leave me a comment or a like, it would mean a lot to me.


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